Redmond Airport's BEST Kept Secret: Hampton Inn Review (You WON'T Believe This!)
Redmond Airport's BEST Kept Secret: Hampton Inn Review (You WON'T Believe This!)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into a review of [Hotel Name] – and I'm not talking a sterile, corporate brochure kind of review. This is the real deal, the messy, honest, and sometimes hilariously subjective version. Let's get started.
(Disclaimer: I haven't actually been to this specific hotel. This is a hypothetical review based on the provided information. But trust me, I'm channeling my inner hotel inspector, and you'll feel like you're right there with me.)
First Impressions & Getting Around (and my terrible sense of direction):
Okay, so let's imagine the arrival. First, assuming they've got a decent airport transfer? YES PLEASE. Because after a long flight, a pre-arranged car is my love language. The car park [free of charge] part is a bonus, you know? Saves me from the parking anxiety, which is, let's be honest, real. And the valet parking option? Oooh la la. Makes me feel fancy. I'll probably still awkwardly try to park it myself, then sheepishly hand the keys over.
The elevator better be humming smoothly, because I'm not lugging my suitcase up any stairs. And, bless them, they've got facilities for disabled guests. Major points for accessibility. Finding a place that truly caters to everyone is a huge win. This is something many hotels overlook, and I'm thrilled to see it.
(Rambling thought: Is there a bicycle parking area? Because I swear one time, I saw a hotel just laugh at a guy's bike. Don't be that hotel.)
Cleanliness & Safety (because who wants the ick?):
Right, let's get down to brass tacks. Cleanliness and safety are paramount. Especially in these times. So, Anti-viral cleaning products? Good. Daily disinfection in common areas? Excellent. Rooms sanitized between stays? Hallelujah! The fact that they offer room sanitization opt-out available shows they give a damn. They aren't just following protocols; they're thinking about what guests actually want.
CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property? Necessary. Security [24-hour]? Comforting. Smoke alarms? Essential. Fire extinguisher? Check, check, check. I'm a worrier, so these things make me breathe a little easier.
(Okay, confession: I once set off a smoke alarm by burning toast. It was a very dark day for breakfast.)
Accessibility – A Deep Dive (because it should be a priority):
This category is important and needs extra attention. Wheelchair accessible is a MUST. Facilities for disabled guests are key. Are the hallways wide enough? Are the bathrooms designed with accessibility in mind? Are there ramps? Every little detail matters. Hotels need to be truly inclusive.
(I’m picturing a hotel I stayed at, that was advertised as accessible, but the “accessible room” had a bathtub with a three-foot-high step. Seriously. I felt like a contortionist. Thankfully, a hotel like this sounds much better.)
The Room – My Sanctuary (or My Tiny, Temporary Prison):
Okay, let's talk about the room! First, Wi-Fi [free]? Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! makes me happy. Air conditioning? ESSENTIAL. Air conditioning in public area? Smart. I need my cool. Blackout curtains? Crucial for sleep-deprived travelers like myself. Soundproofing? YES! I'm a light sleeper. I need that peace and quiet. Extra long bed? Bliss. Non-smoking? YES! (Unless you're in the smoking area. Which again, nice to have choices.)
I want a window that opens. Seriously, I can't be locked in a box. And a desk and laptop workspace are must-haves. Coffee/tea maker? YES! Free bottled water? Always appreciated. Bonus points for slippers and bathrobes. Makes you feel like a glamorous movie star, even if you're just watching Netflix in your PJs.
(One time, I stayed in a hotel with a desk that was so poorly lit, I felt like I was writing my will in a cave. Not ideal.)
In-room safe box? Good for the valuables. Mirror? Gotta check the hair. Alarm clock? Necessary evil. Hair dryer? Don't even ask. Toiletries? Hopefully, they're decent. Towels? Big, fluffy ones, please! I'm picky. Daily housekeeping? Awesome. And room decorations? I hope they're nice. Who wants a depressing room?
And the extra toilet? YES!!! So important! (Anyone who has ever traveled with a friend or spouse understands.)
Dining, Drinking & Snacking (because food is life):
Alright, let's get to the good stuff: eating. Restaurants are a given. I need room service [24-hour]. Again, a must-have. Poolside bar? Sign me up! I'm envisioning myself sipping cocktails and pretending I'm not stressed. Coffee shop? Absolutely. My caffeine addiction requires it. Breakfast [buffet]? I love a good buffet. Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant? Variety is the spice of life! A la carte in restaurant? Great. Snack bar? Perfect for a late-night nibble.
Bottle of water? Hydration is key. The Daily disinfection in common areas also counts in this area. They better be cleaning everything because I hate to get sick on vacation. Buffet in restaurant is nice for options.
(I once went to a hotel with the worst breakfast buffet EVER. The scrambled eggs looked like something from a horror movie. I'm hoping for something better here, for sure.)
Spa & Relaxation (because we need it):
Ah, the Spa. Let's get into it. Massage? Yes, please. Body scrub, Body wrap? Treat yourself! Sauna, Steamroom, Spa/sauna? Oh, yes. Pool with view? Absolute heaven. Swimming pool [outdoor] and Swimming pool? Essential. Foot bath? Interesting. Couple's room? Maybe… Depends who I'm with. Fitness center Gym/fitness? Okay, maybe I'll use it, maybe I won't. I'll think about it.
(I did once spend three straight hours in a sauna. It was a mistake. I'm talking about the hotel here, not my life.)
Services & Conveniences (the little things that make a difference):
Concierge? Useful. Cash withdrawal? Handy. Currency exchange? Smart. Dry cleaning and Laundry service? Saves on packing space. Luggage storage? Necessary. Gift/souvenir shop? Always good for last-minute presents, or just… a little something for yourself. Elevator? A necessity. Contactless check-in/out? Convenient, especially right now.
(I remember one hotel where the front desk staff spent 20 minutes trying to explain the Wi-Fi password, while I slowly lost my mind. A simple, convenient experience is far better.)
Business Facilities (because even on vacation, sometimes you gotta work):
Meeting/banquet facilities mean business. Business facilities. Meetings. Seminars. Wi-Fi for special events is smart. Meeting stationery. Audio-visual equipment for special events? Again, thinking ahead. Projector/LED display? Useful. Xerox/fax in business center? Probably not used as much these days, but still good to have.
For the Kids (because some of us have them):
Family/child friendly? Good. Babysitting service? Helpful. Kids facilities? Great. Kids meal? Important.
(Anecdote: I once saw a tiny human destroy a hotel room buffet. Seriously, it was impressive. They did not have kid-friendly options, and the parents…well, they looked like they were considering running away.)
Things to Do (because being bored is the worst):
Proposal spot? Romantic! Shrine is interesting. Terrace is good.
The Offer – Let's Make it Persuasive:
(Here's where it gets REALLY good.)
Picture this: You're waking up in a spacious room, the sun streaming through your window that opens, filling the non-smoking space with warmth. After being fully rested with the blackout curtains fully drawn, you rise and grab a quick coffee and you take your time as you check out the pool with a view, or maybe enjoy an indulgent *Body scrub
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-tucked-in itinerary. This is the Hampton Inn Redmond Bend Airport, Oregon, through the eyes of Yours Truly, and let me tell you, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Day 1: Arrival, Mild Panic, and the Majestic Blandness of the Hampton Inn
- 1:00 PM - Arrive at Redmond Airport (RDM). Okay, so the "airport" is more like a really large living room with a runway. Which, honestly, is kinda charming. Except when you realize everything is a drive from here. My rental car? A dusty little Kia, which, let's be honest, gives off strong "lost tourist" vibes. Fuel level check? Half Tank. Yikes.
- 1:30 PM - Check-in at Hampton Inn. Ah, the familiar scent of aggressively sanitized happiness. Honestly, you can't really fault the Hampton Inn. It's a haven of beige and complimentary coffee, which, in the travel wilderness, is a godsend. But the lobby chandelier? Let's just say it's seen better days, a little sad, like a forgotten prom queen. The front desk guy? Super nice, bless his heart, probably used to dealing with my level of travel discombobulation.
- 2:00 PM - Unpack and Mildly Freak Out. Okay, so I forgot my travel pillow. Huge mistake. Now I'm staring at the perfectly-fluffed (and probably very expensive) hotel pillows and feeling a deep, primal need for cervical support. Also, where's the damn iron? Is it broken? Do I even care that my shirts are wrinkled?
- 2:30 PM - Rampart Coffee Company. I need caffeine. Desperately. Found a cute little coffee shop, Rampart Coffee, less than a mile from the hotel, so I figured I’d start with a good cup of joe. The latte was creamy, the barista was a total sweetheart, and I even got a little pep talk about exploring Smith Rock State Park from a local, which brings me to the next thing…
- 3:30 PM - The Smith Rock Encounter: Okay, let me tell you about Smith Rock State Park. I had heard it was beautiful, but holy moly. It's like someone dropped a giant, jagged, orange-and-brown layer cake in the middle of nowhere. Seeing the towering rock formations, I had this crazy urge to touch the rock. So I did. I ended up sitting on a rock for a good hour and staring at the landscape. I got so lost in staring at the rock that my mind just wandered. It felt like I was meditating on a giant, gorgeous, rugged thing.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner at a Random Diner. Okay, here's where the plan went sideways. The restaurant I had intended to go to had a two-hour wait. Hangry me, meet the closest diner. The food was… well, it was diner food. Overcooked fries, a slightly sad burger, and the distinct feeling that the ketchup bottle hadn't been cleaned since the Clinton administration. But the waitress was lovely, and she shared some gossip about local hiking trails, so I'm going to call it a win.
- 7:30 PM - Back to the Hampton Inn, Contemplating Life. Now I need to do laundry for tomorrow. The hotel laundry room, again, smells faintly of bleach and regret. I may or may not have lost a sock in the washing machine abyss. It’s time for some serious self-reflection, maybe some local craft beer.
Day 2: Outdoorsy Antics, (Attempted) Art Appreciation, and the Dreaded Shopping Trip
- 8:00 AM - Complimentary Breakfast Massacre. The Hampton Inn breakfast is the travel equivalent of Russian Roulette. Will you get a fresh, perfectly-cooked waffle? Or will you get a hockey puck disguised as an egg? Today, it was a sad, rubbery sausage. Coffee, though? Always a win.
- 9:00 AM - The Deschutes River Adventure. I decided to rent a kayak and float down the Deschutes River. The water was freezing. My hands were numb. I kept nearly capsizing. But the scenery? Unbelievable. The towering pines, the gentle current, and the occasional glimpse of a bald eagle made it all worthwhile. I even saw a beaver! (Or was it a very large, very determined rat? The jury's still out.)
- 12:00 PM - Lunch at a Food Truck (and Epic Fail). I saw some local food trucks on the way back, I made a decision. The line took forever and they ended up closing. So, I'm back to my hotel with a snack.
- 2:00 PM - The Shopping Trip from Hell. I needed some gear. And a rain jacket. I hate shopping. In my hometown I get everything delivered to my home. I go to two stores. It's a complete waste of time and energy, and I hate myself.
- 4:00 PM - Brewery Debrief. After going through the shopping trip, I went back to Rampart Coffee. The same barista was working. We chatted about the ordeal and he recommended a local brewery. So I grab a beer. Then another… and another.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner. In my room. Because, honestly, I can't be bothered to put on real pants. The hotel pizza is… better than expected.
Day 3: Departure, Reflections, and the Hope for a Comfier Pillow
- 8:00 AM - One Last Hotel Brekkie. Same as every time, slightly depressing, but it does the job.
- 9:00 AM - Check out. They ask you how your stay was. Lying is usually easiest,
- 9:30 AM - The Drive to Airport. The drive to the airport is even shorter than before.
- 10:00 AM - Departure. I'm out. I'm on my way. I'm ready to go home. Is it a good trip? Maybe. Is it the only trip? Probably not.
- 11:00 AM - Contemplate travel pillow purchase.
So, there you have it. The Hampton Inn Redmond Bend Airport, Oregon, in all its imperfect, slightly chaotic glory. Would I recommend it? Sure. But pack your own travel pillow. And maybe a healthy dose of patience. And a good sense of humor. Because trust me, you're gonna need it.
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What is this FAQ supposed to be about, even?
Alright, alright, fine. *I* suppose we're supposed to be tackling some sort of common questions. But about *what*? Honestly, the whole concept is a bit... overwhelming. Like staring into the fridge at 3 AM, desperately hoping inspiration will strike. (It usually doesn't, by the way, leading to regretful cheese-stick consumption.) Let's just… let’s just see where the wind takes us. Maybe the wind smells like coffee and existential dread? We'll see.
Do you have any actual experience with whatever-we're-talking-about?
Qualified? Honey, I'm barely qualified to make toast without burning it. But hey, experience is overrated, right? (Said with the desperate hope that someone *actually* agrees). I've definitely *lived* a life, filled with glorious triumphs and spectacularly embarrassing failures. Does that count? Probably not. But I’m going with it.
Will this actually be *helpful* at all?
"Helpful" is a strong word. I *aim* for amusing. If you happen to glean some practical wisdom along the way, consider it a happy accident. However, I make no promises. There’s a high probability of tangents, rambling, and me getting distracted by a particularly shiny object (metaphorically, of course. My desk is already a disaster).
What's the biggest blunder you've made regarding this… thing?
Okay, okay. Fine. I'll give you a doozy. Let's say we're talking about… *dating.* (Ugh, even typing the word makes me shudder). I once... (deep breath)... let's just say I once tried to impress a guy by showing him my "amazing" juggling skills. I’d practiced for *days*. Days, people! Under the cloak of night in my backyard, with a cheap set of balls from that sketchy dollar store, I was convinced I had *skills*. The guy was only mildly impressed... until I dropped one of the balls, which then bounced directly into a mud puddle, splattering mud all over his pristine white jeans. I then proceeded to burst into tears. (I blame the lack of sleep. Definitely the lack of sleep.) The moral of the story? Don’t try to impress someone with juggling. Ever. Unless you’re Cirque du Soleil caliber. Then, maybe.
Why does this feel like you're just making it up as you go?
Uh… guilty as charged? I'm not sure I'm actually *capable* of doing anything else. My brain is basically a pinball machine, ricocheting between thoughts, memories, and random trivia. So yeah, strap in. It's gonna be messy. Embrace the chaos.
So how do you pick yourself back up after a major fail?
Honestly? With a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor and a tub of ice cream. Or maybe I just sit around wondering what I did to end up in this situation. After the initial panic has passed (takes roughly 3-5 days), usually I try to learn something. What did I mess up? What could I do better next time? And if I'm unable to learn anything, then I accept the fact that the world is inherently absurd, and I am a tiny, insignificant being, and then grab the ice cream. Also, and this is *very* important, I allow myself to wallow. Sometimes, you gotta wallow. It's cathartic. And then, eventually, you pick yourself up. It’s slow, it's messy, it frequently involves chocolate, but you do.
What's the best part of … whatever-we're-talking-about?
Okay, this is where things get… mushy. The best part? It's that feeling of… *connection*. Of being truly seen, even with all your flaws (and, trust me, there are a *lot*). It’s that moment when you realize you’re not alone in your weirdness/struggle/joy. The other side of failing is the feeling of triumph. Even the small triumphs are worth it. The joy of discovery, of learning something new, of pushing yourself... Even if that push ends up in a mud puddle. Ultimately, for all the messy bits, and the mud-splattered jeans, the best part is the experience. Because it’s *yours*.
Any last words of wisdom?
Don't take life too seriously. And whatever you do, avoid juggling in front of potential dates. And *definitely* avoid white jeans. And maybe get some sleep. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find a bigger tub of ice cream.
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